Category Archives: Thinking Out Loud

My Writing Truly Comes Alive At All The Wrong Moments

I take online school, and every now and then they have these “discussions” where they give you a subject and ask you to write about it a certain way. I always tend to have way too much fun with these. Here’s my latest one, and I honestly think it’s the most absurd one yet.

This was the assignment:
“Research building codes for ramps such as wheelchair ramps, boat ramps, or loading docks. Choose a building code for a ramp and describe the relationship between the lengths involved using geometry vocabulary such as hypotenuse, adjacent side, and opposite side. Use right triangle concepts from this Unit to find any unknown lengths and angle measures of the ramp. Be sure to identify the type of ramp. Explain if the building code of your ramp makes sense and do the same for the other building codes posted for the discussion. Discuss why there are building codes for ramps and how you think they are determined.”

With all that in mind, this is what I wrote:

Ramps for Gramps: A Mediocre Look Into What Any Of This Means

It goes without saying that I know absolutely nothing about this subject, but ignorance has never stopped me from opening my mouth, now has it. So, I’ll retire to what good ol’ Google has to say. I went ahead and interviewed him. Saint Google scratched his head at my inquiry, but he went ahead and told me what he knew; he is all-knowing, after all.

“The maximum slope of a ramp is 1:12” he sang as a choir of sassy black angels kicked into full gear. “The maximum rise for any ramp shall be 30 inches.” he belted in silky smooth falsetto, as the angelic black choir broke off into brain-melting harmonies. “The minimum clear width of a ramp shall be 36 inches” he continued as I tried to not die from this excessive amount of knowledge that was being loaded onto me via toe-tapping inducing R&B. “Also, don’t forget handrails.” he barked, and my mind imploded.

I had to be hospitalized. I received a bouquet of flowers and an apology letter from Saint G. confessing that he might’ve gotten carried away. I thought to myself as the doctors pushed me down the halls in a wheel chair; I thought about how much I still don’t know about those ever-so-elusive ramps.

(Feel free to condescend in the comments below)

I can assure you that when I write another one of these, whenever that may be, I will gladly share them with you.

Skyler Page (Creator of Clarence) Sex Assault?!

I’m a pretty sentimental guy, meaning I easily get emotionally attached to things, even without fully realizing it. Clarence is a show that only recently premiered this year, and I have just fallen in love with it. It’s simply a show about kids doing things that kids do and it all feels oddly nostalgic and beautiful. Of course, it’s also really silly and weird. However, sometimes real life creeps up on you when you least expect it, and crap like this happens. It has been stated that Skyler Page, creator and voice of Clarence, sexually assaulted Emily Partridge, an artist for Adventure Time.

It just hurts. Really bad. I’m young, and I’m still learning more and more about the world that I live in every day. It has been stated that Skyler Page has a mental illness, suffering bipolar and schizophrenic moods. He’s currently in the hospital apparently. I hope he’s okay…I really do.

It’s just really weird, you know? Just from the few episodes of Clarence that have aired, I really felt a connection to the characters and the people they were based on. I just can’t help but feel like Clarence is Skyler as a kid, and I already know how he turns out as he grows up. It’s depressing.

Skyler Page has been fired from Cartoon Network, meaning he no longer holds the reigns on Clarence, nor can he provide the voice. I really hope the show survives this, and I’m really curious who they will cast as the new voice of Clarence.

So what do you think of this whole situation? Is it too much to comprehend? Or perhaps you could care less? Let me know.

Did you enjoy this little ramble? If so, consider following The Critic’s Canvas for all your critical needs.

What Does The Term “Hipster” Even Mean?

Something hit me today as I was listening to my Indie Pop playlist, built from songs I had heard about on all my favorite music blogs. I am, indeed, a hipster. But what does that even mean? Do I strut around in suspenders and tight jeans, all while blaring music you’ve never even heard of? Well, partially, yes. I just need to get those suspenders, and then I’ll be all set. But do these things make me a hipster? Not really. Here’s the thing; being a hipster isn’t about the style, but what an individual thinks of his style. In fact, hipsters are all about individuality. Independence, the refusal to follow the mainstream, but instead to pave the way as they trot along. It wasn’t until I was bickering with my sister about how I listened to so and so band first that I realized that I may just be a hipster. Not necessarily in my style, but in my way of thinking.

According to the Urban Dictionary, “Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20’s and 30’s that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter.” Although I’m only 16, I can confidently say that this definition matches me just about perfectly. I possess a hipster mindset, and I never even knew it. Of course, the Urban Dictionary isn’t even close to being a “reliable source”, but honestly, can anyone provide a better definition? Must I now consider myself a hipster? How am I supposed to present myself? “Hello! I’m a hipster”. Of course, people will ask what that even means, and I don’t think I’ll be able to answer. I’ll just join my hipster brethren in our golden pool of blissful irony.

So what do you think a hipster is? Do you think they’re just a bunch of conceded grease balls? Or a person who goes head-first against the accepted norm? Let me know!

Did you enjoy this little ramble? If so, you should consider following my blog, The Critic’s Canvas! Blogs are a hipster thing right?