Category Archives: Thoughts and Opinions

My Writing Truly Comes Alive At All The Wrong Moments

I take online school, and every now and then they have these “discussions” where they give you a subject and ask you to write about it a certain way. I always tend to have way too much fun with these. Here’s my latest one, and I honestly think it’s the most absurd one yet.

This was the assignment:
“Research building codes for ramps such as wheelchair ramps, boat ramps, or loading docks. Choose a building code for a ramp and describe the relationship between the lengths involved using geometry vocabulary such as hypotenuse, adjacent side, and opposite side. Use right triangle concepts from this Unit to find any unknown lengths and angle measures of the ramp. Be sure to identify the type of ramp. Explain if the building code of your ramp makes sense and do the same for the other building codes posted for the discussion. Discuss why there are building codes for ramps and how you think they are determined.”

With all that in mind, this is what I wrote:

Ramps for Gramps: A Mediocre Look Into What Any Of This Means

It goes without saying that I know absolutely nothing about this subject, but ignorance has never stopped me from opening my mouth, now has it. So, I’ll retire to what good ol’ Google has to say. I went ahead and interviewed him. Saint Google scratched his head at my inquiry, but he went ahead and told me what he knew; he is all-knowing, after all.

“The maximum slope of a ramp is 1:12” he sang as a choir of sassy black angels kicked into full gear. “The maximum rise for any ramp shall be 30 inches.” he belted in silky smooth falsetto, as the angelic black choir broke off into brain-melting harmonies. “The minimum clear width of a ramp shall be 36 inches” he continued as I tried to not die from this excessive amount of knowledge that was being loaded onto me via toe-tapping inducing R&B. “Also, don’t forget handrails.” he barked, and my mind imploded.

I had to be hospitalized. I received a bouquet of flowers and an apology letter from Saint G. confessing that he might’ve gotten carried away. I thought to myself as the doctors pushed me down the halls in a wheel chair; I thought about how much I still don’t know about those ever-so-elusive ramps.

(Feel free to condescend in the comments below)

I can assure you that when I write another one of these, whenever that may be, I will gladly share them with you.

Advertisements

Skyler Page (Creator of Clarence) Sex Assault?!

I’m a pretty sentimental guy, meaning I easily get emotionally attached to things, even without fully realizing it. Clarence is a show that only recently premiered this year, and I have just fallen in love with it. It’s simply a show about kids doing things that kids do and it all feels oddly nostalgic and beautiful. Of course, it’s also really silly and weird. However, sometimes real life creeps up on you when you least expect it, and crap like this happens. It has been stated that Skyler Page, creator and voice of Clarence, sexually assaulted Emily Partridge, an artist for Adventure Time.

It just hurts. Really bad. I’m young, and I’m still learning more and more about the world that I live in every day. It has been stated that Skyler Page has a mental illness, suffering bipolar and schizophrenic moods. He’s currently in the hospital apparently. I hope he’s okay…I really do.

It’s just really weird, you know? Just from the few episodes of Clarence that have aired, I really felt a connection to the characters and the people they were based on. I just can’t help but feel like Clarence is Skyler as a kid, and I already know how he turns out as he grows up. It’s depressing.

Skyler Page has been fired from Cartoon Network, meaning he no longer holds the reigns on Clarence, nor can he provide the voice. I really hope the show survives this, and I’m really curious who they will cast as the new voice of Clarence.

So what do you think of this whole situation? Is it too much to comprehend? Or perhaps you could care less? Let me know.

Did you enjoy this little ramble? If so, consider following The Critic’s Canvas for all your critical needs.

What Does The Term “Hipster” Even Mean?

Something hit me today as I was listening to my Indie Pop playlist, built from songs I had heard about on all my favorite music blogs. I am, indeed, a hipster. But what does that even mean? Do I strut around in suspenders and tight jeans, all while blaring music you’ve never even heard of? Well, partially, yes. I just need to get those suspenders, and then I’ll be all set. But do these things make me a hipster? Not really. Here’s the thing; being a hipster isn’t about the style, but what an individual thinks of his style. In fact, hipsters are all about individuality. Independence, the refusal to follow the mainstream, but instead to pave the way as they trot along. It wasn’t until I was bickering with my sister about how I listened to so and so band first that I realized that I may just be a hipster. Not necessarily in my style, but in my way of thinking.

According to the Urban Dictionary, “Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20’s and 30’s that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter.” Although I’m only 16, I can confidently say that this definition matches me just about perfectly. I possess a hipster mindset, and I never even knew it. Of course, the Urban Dictionary isn’t even close to being a “reliable source”, but honestly, can anyone provide a better definition? Must I now consider myself a hipster? How am I supposed to present myself? “Hello! I’m a hipster”. Of course, people will ask what that even means, and I don’t think I’ll be able to answer. I’ll just join my hipster brethren in our golden pool of blissful irony.

So what do you think a hipster is? Do you think they’re just a bunch of conceded grease balls? Or a person who goes head-first against the accepted norm? Let me know!

Did you enjoy this little ramble? If so, you should consider following my blog, The Critic’s Canvas! Blogs are a hipster thing right?

My Thoughts and Opinions on Radiohead

It’s been a while since I’ve done a traditional Thoughts and Opinions post, mostly because I’ve been experimenting with different ideas and the such. So, I was all like “I’m gonna go back to my roots; pick a topic, and talk about it.” and as you can see from the title, I want to talk about Radiohead.

Let me just put this out there, I really like Radiohead! It wasn’t until recently that I started truly digging in to their discography, and I absolutely fell in love. I really don’t know what element captured me the most. The moody lyrics? Thom Yorke’s blessed vocals? Johnny Greenwood? It’s just one of those few bands that has me loving every single song that I hear from them!

Now, I must admit, I’m really not a professional when it comes to critiquing music. I’ve never been good at listening to something and just knowing what’s wrong and what’s right. Music is just one of those things that has me staring blankly out a window. I get completely immersed, so immersed that I constantly forget to pay attention to what I’m listening to. I miss lyrics, and I miss instrumentals sometimes. I’ve been trying to get better, but it’s tough. My brain just wants to shutdown and enjoy the music. So that all means that I can’t think of a single criticism that I have for Radiohead. So, instead, I’ll just tell you what I love about them.

Although music in of itself captures me when I hear it, there’s something even more special about Radiohead. I connect with it. I’m quite young, and I’m finally starting to experience life at it’s worst, which just so happens to be the best possible time to listen to Radiohead. Most of the lyrics focus on pessimistic insights of the world we live in, and the things that happen in our lives. To put it simply, Radiohead isn’t a very happy band. And I’m totally okay with that! I’m impressed by anything that can successfully provoke emotions from me, and this band does just that. Songs like “Let Down”, “Fake Plastic Trees”, and “How To Disappear Completely” are some of the most emotional songs I’ve heard in a long time! And it’s Thom Yorke’s vocals that really deliver the feels! He’s absolutely perfect in my opinion.

Of course, that’s all this is. My opinion. So now I want to here what you think! Do you love Radiohead too? Or do you think they’re overrated? Maybe you think they’re underrated? I want to know!

Oh, and would you guys want to have me individually review some of their albums? I’d love to, and it’d be good practice!

Also, is there anything on my blog that needs improving? Does my writing need a check-up? Let me know!

Did you enjoy this little ramble? If so, then you should follow The Critic’s Canvas, where I post every Tuesday and Thursday! I’d really appreciate it.

Adventure Time is All The Time

I don’t usually watch television, but when I do, I watch Game of Thrones, Wilfred, or Adventure Time. Mostly Adventure Time. The show began airing in 2010, and I was in 7th grade at the time. I remember being intrigued by the art style and humor and it eventually became my obsession.

The show features a young boy and his magic dog stepbrother as they go on outlandish adventures, whether it be saving princesses or solving a mystery. I try to give a summary, but you really can’t with this show. The writers and screen boarders obviously reject the idea of following any form of a formulaic presentation. The show is popular for it’s unpredictability, it’s cute and charming, yet disturbing, characters, and an impressive flow of continuity that you rarely ever see in cartoons of any form. You know that side-character that we introduced back in Season 2? We’re giving him his own episode. You know how Finn threw his sword in the forest that one time? Yeah, he threw it, it’s not coming back, and he needs a new one. And the fact that the continuity takes a subtle approach makes it all the more intuitive. You could watch most episodes out of order and still know what’s going on, for the most part. I just love this show! I really can’t get enough! And here’s another thing; the show has only gotten better as it keeps airing. Why? Because the show is actually tied together by a dark and dreary, post-apocalyptic backstory. The more episodes you watch, the more sense the story makes. The more interesting watching the show becomes. I find myself anticipating new episodes, not only to see more of the characters I love, but to hopefully get another piece of the story. It’s the most involved I’ve ever felt watching a tv show, especially a cartoon!

So, what do you think of Adventure Time? Do you hate it? Do you love it? Or do you just not get it? Let me know!

Also, is there anything I should improve on the blog? Does my writing need some work? I could use the advice!

And, would you guys want me to write thoughts and opinions over new Adventure Time episodes? I think that’d be really fun!

If you enjoyed this little ramble, maybe you’d like to follow The Critic’s Canvas! I’ll be here to satisfy your critical needs with a new post every Tuesday and Thursday!

Journalism is My Passion

I’ve always had my mind set on the future, although my 8 year old self and the current 16 year old may not think the same way. My eyes have been set on journalism and writing for quite some time, and I guess you could say that this blog is my way of taking action, along with poetry and a fiction novel that I’ve been working on on the side.

Although I am quite open-minded and am willing to write about a wide array of subjects, video games are my main focus and my greatest passion, with music taking second place, of course. I know it’s probably not the classiest topic and may not impress all the professors out there, but it’s what I enjoy. I’m hoping that someday I can write for people like IGN, Revision3, or heck, why not New York Times? I’ve heard that it’s not the easiest path to go down, and I’m a bit anxious, but I really have a good feeling about this.

Flappy Bird is Satan.

satanDo you own an iPhone or Android? If so, then you’ve probably heard of Flappy Bird. This app has been the top free app on the app store for a while now, and everyone and their mom is playing it, well, trying to anyway.

Just in case you actually haven’t played it, I’ll give you a little summary. Basically, you repeatedly tap the screen to try and maneuver a 16-bit bird through very Marioesque pipes. Yup, it’s that simple. Except, there is a catch. It’s actually mind-bogglingly difficult. So difficult that it’s almost funny! And it’s this extreme sense of challenge that’ll either have you hooked, or shoving your phone through your buddy’s eyeball. Don’t believe me? Well, I guess you could go ahead and download the app, but I’d advise you to stay away and move on with your life. Once you flap, you can’t go back.

I bet you want to hear what my experience was like, actually, I doubt you care at all, so I’ll tell you. I saw my friend playing the game and to put it lightly, she was doing absolutely horrible. Of course, being the charmer I am, I laughed maniacally in her face. So, she said that if I could get 5 points on my first try, she’d give me five bucks. I figured she wouldn’t actually pay me, but I still wanted to prove my worth. So I played, and I scored a big zero! Now, I’m a relatively experienced gamer, and I’ve beaten some challenging games in my time, yet an iPhone game where I have to flap through pipes left me at zero! Quite a slap to the face, in my opinion.

Of course, that’s what all this is. My opinion. What do you think? Are you in love with this game? Or maybe you’re dangerously hooked and can’t ditch it? And if you have played, what’s your high score? Mine’s 29!

Also, is there anything I can improve on the blog? Does my writing need a check up? I could use the advice!

Did you enjoy this little ramble? Maybe you’d like more! Well, following The Critic’s Canvas is the right choice for you then! I’ll be here to satisfy your critical needs with a post every Tuesday and Thursday!